On Trial Again

Sorry for no updates. On trial again. Will resume once I take my beating. And you know, every once in a while, everyone has to take a beating.

Line o' the Day 4/20/08

Pitching Spectacular!

Good:

1. Andy Sonnestine, Steaks, CG Shutout W, 3h, bb, 4k.

2. Ervin Santana, Bees, W, 8ip, 3h, obb, 8k, 1er.

Hey, it wouldn't be line of the day without another pathetic performance from a Brewer pitcher

Ian Kennedy, 2.7ip, 5h, 5bb, 4k, 4er.

Golf Tourney: 63 (-7) in scramble format. Good for 4th out of 36 groups. Easily put away 12 beers. Crushing the new driver.

Line o' the Day 4/19/08

Golf tournament today, probably a lot of swings that look like this.

Todays theme: Players I used to own when they sucked. Now they don't:

1. Richie Sexson, Hogs, 2/4, 2HR, 4rbi, 2r. Thanks Richie, when you cost $36 you couldn't hit your weight for me.

2. Bobby Crosby, Money, 3/4, HR, 5rbi, 3r. I can't even think of anything to say, this line makes me so angry.

Buckos get their second DUI of the year:

Cliff Lee, W (3-0), 8ip, 2h, bb, 8k, Bench. Glad you got that Mussina start in there Dave. Best part is the drubbing Lee takes as soon as he is activated next week.

And the not so good:

Brian Bannister, Hogs, L, 5ip, 9h, bb, k, 5er. ERA goes from 0.86 to 2.42. Come on? Who did you think this guy was, the second coming of Bob Gibson?

Line o' the Day 4/18/08

JUST A REMINDER: THE PRETENDERS ARE COMING

IIn the meantime,

Albert likes:

1. Man Ram, Buckos, 3/5, 2hr, 3rbi, 3r, one missed head shot.

2. Carlos Quentin, Creepers, 2/3, 2hr, 2rbi, 3r. I don't know how to explain this line.

Albert wants to stalk:

1. Paul Konerko, Steaks, 0/5, 2k. Golden shower sombrero, .176 for the year.

2. Boof Bonser, Brewers, L, 4ip, 7h, 2bb, 0k, 6er. What else is new for the Brewer's starting rotation?

Line of the Day 4/1708

Lets just get the good out of the way, because you know what the bad is.

Good:

1. Edgar Rentaria, Steaks, 3/4, HR, 5rbi, r. Proving that he really did deserve that big K the Sox gave him......in 2005.

2. Felix Hernandez, Brewers, W, CG, 8h, BB, 8k. 1.47 era for the year.

We won't call this the bad, let's call it the CC:

1. CC Sabathia, L, 4ip, 9er, 8h, 4bb, k. Season era 13.50, 2.56 whip. 14/14 bb/k ratio. Did you guys know that he cost $48 at the draft. No, really $48.

Applebee's -- The Ruiner

Just a little off topic, but ABF does deal with more than just baseball. Applebee's might be the worst national chain going. The American way is to take a decent idea, a giant hardware store (Home Depot), the local video store (Blockbuster), make it sterile and bland and mass market it. Listen, I'm not totally opposed to this idea. I have been to Chili's. Its not so bad. Decent bar food, sports on the TV, its not your local bar, but in a pinch it does just fine.

That's why I don't get Applebee's. They take the "fake local bar" to a new level. Of course that level includes destroying everything you might go to a bar for. For example, here in my home city of Philly they put in a new Applebee's near my office. I had a bad experience in the past, (my first Applebee experience consisted of being told that they only cook their burgers "well done". What the fuck is the point of that? If you are that worried about being sued, don't sell burgers), but one day I decided to give it a shot.

Mid-week afternoon lunch, baseball game, just looking for some food, maybe a beer or two while I catch some baseball. I walk in and the place is deserted. Empty. I sit by myself near the bar. Cheerful waitress takes my order, miller lite draft and a chicken sandwich (avoiding the burger for the aforementioned reason). Not too difficult, right?

The bar is huge, but not a single flat screen in sight. One or two old tv's with the sound off. Blaring through the speakers is muzak, not even crappy soft-rock radio, muzak. On the table is one of those inventions that lets you hear the tv, its like a wireless radio, but I have to turn up the volume so loud its annoying.

Ah, here comes the beer. Practically room temp. Not so tasty for miller lite. It tasted like warm, soapy crap. At this point its too late to run because my food has come out in appox. 3 mins. Not a good sign. The chicken is rubbery and almost seems undercooked. The fries have clearly been sitting under a heat lamp most of the day. The killer? The beer is $4 and the sandwich is $8.99!

The strangest thing is the Mgr. comes over, as I am the only customer in the place, and asks how everything is. I didn't have the energy or time to list how pathetic the whole meal was. Anyway, what I don't understand is how a place like Applebee's exists? Are there people who live in places where this is the only option? Is my experience unique? What person with any other options, and I am including a hot dog cart and forty on the street, would ever go there?

Psychic Move of the Week

Here at ABF we like to point out the failings of CARP GM's, but that's not what we are all about. So in that spirit, let us recognize the Psychic Move of the Week.

GM Welshans of the Steaks has been accused by some of not always paying the closest attention to his team, but this week he wins the magic 8 ball prize.

Joe Borowski led the AL in saves last year, despite an era north of 4. He started 08 with a perfect inning and his first save but had a shakey outing followed by yet another perfect inning. Welshans saw the writing on the wall and benched him for the week thus saving his staff this ugly line last night against the Red Sox:

.7ip 4h, 3er.

Nice job Rich, we here at ABF salute you.

* Per Rotoworld at 2pm, Borowski now on the 15 Day DL.

Line of the Day 4/13/08

A quick line of the day while you are washing your balls or watching the Masters, or both.

The Good:

1. Manny Ramirez, Buckos, 2/4 HR, 3rbi, 2r. Manny being on a contract year.

2. Roy Halladay, Creepers, W, CG, 9ip, 6h, bb, 6k. Still looks like a sheep fucker.

The Bad:

1. Fausto Carmona, Steaks, L, 3.3ip, 2h, 8bb, k. Cash that signing bonus now.

2. David Ortiz, Hogs, 0/4, k. Now 3/43, 3rbi, 10k on the season.

OnTrial

On Trial. More posting soon.

Congratulations to KU National Champs

Well, they finally broke the Curse of the Wolfe. Does this portend a Baltimore Banana Hammock championship this Year? Only time will tell.

Bucko GM -- Asleep at the Wheel

DON'T PULL A BUCHANAN

I'm not talking about running into the ocean headfirst with your cellphone and camera, I'm talking about this:

Gerald Laird, Buckos, 4/5, 2hr, 6rbi, 3r.....on the bench.

Salty, AAA, active.

OUCH.

Bad Managing 101

RON GARDENHIRE IS A COMPLETE IDIOT

Unlike in fantasy football, the manager/coach in fantasy baseball can play a significant role in the success or demise of your fantasy team. Even in the AL, where all a manager really does is fill out a lineup and make calls to the pen, idiots like Gardenhire can doom a promising season by stubbornly refusing to play young players.

Gardenhire is just the best example of the worst type of manager you see in the AL. He will at any cost start an aging/crappy vet for weeks and months even when there a is better/younger alternative on his bench. Example you say?

Coming into 08' the Twins were looking to rebuild. They refused to give Santana huge $$ and traded him to the Mets for some decent prospects. They even gave the CF job to a 22 yr old rookie with all of 140abs in AAA, Carlos Gomez. Cuddyer and Delmon Young occupied the other OF spots, leaving open the DH/4th OF spot for one player. Gardenhire had to give those 550abs to one of 2 players:

Player A: Age 25, 07' 418ab .273 13hr 65rbi 49r .787 ops
Second Half 07': .292 8hr 39rbi 28r .870 ops

Player B: Age 31, 07' 392ab .219 12hr 59rbi 53r .638 ops
Second Half 07': .199 3hr 18rbi 13r .537 ops

Which player does Gardenhire start on opening day? You guessed it, Player B.

Player B is Craig Monroe, A is Jason Kubel. Now Kubel is still coming back from knee surgery and Monroe is a right hand bat (Kubel is a lefty), so I can understand that you might start Monroe against lefties, but Gardenhire was giving Monroe the majority of the ABS??!?

The results:

Monroe: 1/11, 0hr, rbi, 0r, 5k, 2bb.

Kubel: 4/14, hr, 2rbi, 3r, 2k, bb

Now the injury to Cuddyer has saved Kubel temporarily because Gardenhire has to play him, but jesus christ, how the fuck does Ron Gardenhire continue to be employed? I don't even want to talk about the even split than Terry Francona is subjecting me to between Crisp and Ellsbury right now.

Line of the Day 4/5/08

The Good:

1. Shawn Marcum, Steaks, W, 7ip, 3h, bb, 8k. Toronto for real?

2. AJ Pierzynski, Pirates, 3/5, HR, 5rbi, 2r. The man you love to hate, AJ, not Hirsch.

The Bad:

1. Ian Kennedy, Brewers, L, 2.3ip, 4h, 4bb, 6er, 23.14era, 3.43 whip. Not the same as pitching against Washington St.

Line of the Day 4/4/08

Pitchers dominate the day in the CARP League:

1. Zach Greinke, Creepers, W, 7ip, 1er, 6h, 2bb, 3k. Maybe Zach can think of this start to chase the demons away when they come at night.

2. Joe Mauer, Brewers, 2/3, 2rbi, r. No power....yet.

Lots of hitters going 0/4 out there so....

1. Kevin Slowey, Bees, L, 3.3ip, 3er, 4h, 2k. Left with injury. Where is Sidney Ponson when you need him?

You want analysis? Coming this weekend the bane of the Fantasy GM, the Crappy Manager.

Line of the Day 4/3/08

Albert likes:

1. Aubrey Huff, Money, 2/4, HR, 4rbi, 2r. Yeah, he called Baltimore a shithole, so what? Don't you watch The Wire?

2. Brian Bannister, Hogs, W, 7ip, 2h, 0bb, 4k. Against the Tigers? Put this in the "what the fuck?" file.

Albert no like:

1. The Steaks offense. Sorry to call out a whole team. 8/38, .210, 0hr, 1rbi, 1r.

2. Daniel Cabrera, Buckos, L, 4ip, 6er, 6h, 5bb, 13.50era, 2.75whip. He's gonna break out any year now. What happened to Leo Mazzone's magic touch?

Creeper and Steak Prospects to DL

PRICE & JENNINGS HURT

Where else do you get breaking CARP news? CARP Notes? That blog sucks. The last entry was the final standings from October?

Anyway, per Baseball America:

Fans in Vero Beach hoping to see two of baseball’s best prospects take the field for the Rays’ high Class A affiliate will have to wait at least a month.

Lefthander David Price will be out for five more weeks after coming down with a strained left elbow last week, and now outfielder Desmond Jennings will miss about a month with a back injury. The injury for Jennings is his second within the past year. In August, Jennings’ 2007 season ended early when he had arthroscopic surgery to repair the lateral meniscus in his knee.

Albert Belle -- Bad Boyfriend

This is from the Washington Post, Aug. 25, 2006. GPS tracking? Don't ever fucking cheat on me!

"Former major league slugger Albert Belle was sentenced to three months in jail and five years of supervised probation yesterday in Phoenix for stalking his ex-girlfriend.

Superior Court Judge James Keppel warned Belle that if he contacts the victim again he will go to prison.

Belle's former girlfriend told police in January that she discovered a Global Positioning System tracking device that had fallen off her car and that Belle had threatened her."

Lines o' the Day 4/2/08

Studs:

1. Vladdy Daddy, Buckos, 3/4, 3rbi, r. Well for $49 what else would you expect?

2. DiceK, Pirates, W(1-0), 6.7ip, 2h, 9k. "Ahh, me ritch slap A's"

Duds:

1. Travis Buck, Money, 0/4, 4k. Ok Travis, regular season has started, you can stop sucking now.

2. JJ Putz, Hogs, BS, 1ip, 2h, bb, 2er. Blown saves make Albert Belle cry.

Lines of the Day 4/1/08

Just to get things started here at Albert Belle's Funhouse (ABF), I am going to try to post the best and worst lines from the previous day in CARP.

Albert Belle like:

1. Jim Thome, Buckos, 2/5, 2hr, 4rbi, 2r. Both shots off of my boy CC, ouch

2. Frank Guiterrez, Creepers, 3/3, hr, 3rbi, 2r. Remember when he was trade for Milton?

Albert Belle no like:

1. Mark Buehrle, Bees, 1.7ip, 7h, bb, 7er. The Wolfe in trouble already. Time to open the scotch.

2. Placido Polanco, Buckos, 0-6, Golden Shower Sombero.